Blind
by KateLilly
Summary: Kate knows that Jack was Blind to her feelings for him as she was for his feelings towards her. This fan fiction is SAD so grab a tissue! I cried while writing! R&R!


**A/N: Okay… I LOVE this song. I listen to it EVERYDAY. It's owned by Lifehouse though. I want to own it but that would be illegal… So Lifehouse owns it. I must warn you. You might need a tissue. I had a hard time writing this because I was crying. PLEASE REVIEW! Kate**

Kate sobbed into her hands at the funeral. Sayid and Claire were hugging her, comforting her. Sawyer wasn't really the comforting type. She just sobbed into Sayid's shoulder as Claire rubbed her hair, telling her comforting words as Sayid rubbed her back.

She couldn't get over the fact that he was gone. The one she loved. Jack was dead.

She had been there when he did die. Ethan had come back and shot him in the chest and everything went in slow motion after that. She cried and ran up to him in the rain and the darkness as Sayid and Sawyer told her to stay back because Ethan was right there.

She fought Ethan to the death, and ended up killing him for hopefully a final time.

She had let her rage out all on that one person. But still she had rage in her that she couldn't get rid of. So she tried to cry it all out. She had sat beside his body for a whole day and when Sayid helped her up, forcing her away from the body, she kicked and screamed and punched and scratched any part she could get her hands on.

But it didn't help. Sayid was stronger then her. And it didn't help the situation.

She had sat at the fire, staring into it for the longest of time, even after the fire went out and left nothing but red and black rocks and red sparks in the middle.

She had been in shock for two days until reality hit her. That was at the funeral.

**I was young but I wasn't naive  
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave  
And still I have the pain I have to carry  
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried  
**

She had collapsed at the grave and cried into her hands until Sayid had helped her up. That led to the very moment.

She started screaming things into her hands that no one could understand, but yet they weren't harsh words. They could tell by the tone in her voice.

She was screaming words for Jack to hear.

Everyone had left except her and Sayid and Claire. The ones who truly cared.

She cried into Sayid's shoulder still, letting him say words that she couldn't understand, along with Claire.

She did hear Sayid tell her that they could stay like this forever if she wanted. He truly cared about her.

She nodded into his shoulder.

After a while she let Sayid and Claire go as she sat at the grave, staring into the deep hole that held Jack's body.

**  
After all this time  
I never thought we'd be here  
Never thought we'd be here  
When my love for you is blind  
But I couldn't make you see it  
Couldn't make you see it  
That I loved you more than you'll ever know  
A part of me died when I let you go  
**

"Jack?" she said in a cracked voice.

There was no reply. She was hoping that he would jump out and say something like "I GOT YOU!" but she knew that wouldn't happen. She truly wished that Jack would come and wake her up from this horrible nightmare.

"Jack?" she asked again.

"Jack," she said this time instead of asking. "I… I don't know what to say really. I can't get over the fact that I'm talking to a dead body. Especially one of the one I love. Loved.

But I treated you and your decisions like crap. The fact is, I love you. Loved you. But you just couldn't see that I did, that I cared about you.

"It doesn't help that your dead right now and probably can't hear me. But I loved you so much. You couldn't understand that the reason that I was ALWAYS around Sawyer, was to make you jealous. And I knew that was the reason that you were always around Ana Lucia. Truth is, she didn't even shed a tear when they buried you.

"And I shed over a thousand tears for you. I just hope that you can hear me, because I'm spilling my guts to you. I killed my father. My real biological father. The one I thought was my step father until recently. I killed him, and many more people. But the one that affected me most was… My childhood sweetheart. His name was Tom. Maybe… maybe you met him. Or maybe you're with him right now.

"He had a little boy and a wife. I didn't seriously kill him. I told him to get out of the car and he didn't. So when the police shot at me, they shot him instead. I was so pissed at the police. But what's the worst part about it, is that they say that I killed him. When I never did, and never would have. And I bet that if you had seen my mug shot in a post office and then met me you would have been terrified, and not the way you were when we first met.

"Remember when I stitched up your side? How I thought I would puke on you. Then you told me about counting to five. And yes it works. But the things is, I'm usually too scared to count to five. I can't even count to five right now. I'm too much of a wimp to do it now. Because everyone is depending on me to be the hero now. And I can't. I'm not a hero. I never was. I was never good. I was never good enough. I can't be the hero.

"Truth is, without you here right now, I'm breaking. You'll never truly know how I feel because you're gone."

**  
I would fall asleep  
Only in hopes of dreaming  
That everything would be like is was before  
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting  
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor  
**

Kate sighed, trying to hold back tears, but was unsuccessful. The tears streamed down her cheeks like a river. She couldn't stop them or control them. They just left her eyes with out any path or control.

"So when I let you go, I'll be completely broken. Shattered like fragile glass dropped on cement. I can't make it without you. I never can. Never will. I just can't. You're gone. And so am I. I'm gone. Lost in the wind. I don't know where I'm going and I don't know why. My hearts the most broken. It's in tiny shards. And I can't fix it. I couldn't. You were the one that was supposed to fix me. And you left.

"I killed Ethan again for you. I have blood stained hands yet again. I fought him to the death. I wouldn't have been upset if I had been the one to die. Never will, never would. But that's not what happened. I killed him with all of my rage and fury. I have more blood on my hands now. And I can't wash it away.

"The only ones that care about me now are Sayid and Claire. All the rest are still scared of me I think. Except Sawyer. He's never scared. But, though he's my type, I just can't live with him. I couldn't and can't. He's not the comforting type like you are. And if he can't comfort me, I can't handle him.

"Sayid is the one that let me cry into his shoulder after and during the funeral. He just never turned away like the rest did. Neither did Claire. And I don't know what I would do without them. Sayid is very nice and I like him a lot. He's so nice. And Claire is so sweet. She's caring and comforting. I couldn't do without either of them.

"But Jack. I loved you more then you ever and will ever know. I can't help but think of how yesterday I treated you like crap, yelling at you for supposedly being a jerk. For not letting me do what I wanted to do, when in reality, you were just protecting me from harms way, showing your feelings for me. I realize that now. But I miss you so much. The reason that you didn't want me to come on the hunting party for Michael was to protect me from harms way. And I just decided to go right into harms way.

"You protected me more then anyone else on this island. And I should have protected you from this island. And I didn't. So I'm sorry. I love you. And when I let go, I won't ever forgive myself. Because I know I shouldn't, but I have to Jack. I can't live with the guilt. The guilt that I just sat by you and let you die. So I have to let go.

"I'm letting go now. But I'll take it slowly. I love you, forever and always. I'll never give up," she said while crying.

**  
After all this time  
I never thought we'd be here  
Never thought we'd be here  
When my love for you is blind  
But I couldn't make you see it  
Couldn't make you see it  
That I loved you more than you'll ever know  
A part of me died when I let you go  
**

She just continued to sit there, talking to herself, crying for Jack and Sayid finally decided to go get her away from there so Locke could bury him.

She didn't fight this time, but obliged. She walked over to the fire nearest to his tent, hoping to see him come out. The caves seemed brighter tonight.

She smiled at Claire and Sayid who were sitting across from her in the small fire.

She had decided to move into Jack's cave, to make sure that it was safe. Besides, she felt safer there. Warmer there to. Just like in his arms the day that they kissed. She felt safe.

**  
After all this why?  
Would you ever wanna leave it  
Maybe you could not believe it  
That my love for you is blind  
But I couldn't make you see it  
Couldn't make you see it  
That I loved you more than you will ever know  
A part of me died when I let you go  
And I loved you more than you'll ever know  
A part of me dies when I let you go**

She held the key that he always had around his neck in her warm hands and felt the coldness of the metal and the warmth of the string that made it a necklace.

She had tears burning her eyes, and she felt them go away suddenly.

She felt a hand wipe away the stray tears, but no one was there.

Words formed in her mind that she had hoped to hear while talking to Jack.

'I forgive you. And I miss you.'

She let out a sob of happiness and smiled, Sayid and Claire looking at her like she was crazy.

"Kate. I understand what it's like to lose someone you love. Shannon," said Sayid. "If you ever want to talk, I'm always here."

She smiled and nodded. She knew it was alright to be upset. But she was forgiven. And missed.

**A/N: Okay.. I cried SO hard while writing this. I hope you liked it. It was five pages long so it's kind of short compared to my other ones. Well review please! Kate**


End file.
